A Black Feather, A poison pen... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There's a secret song at the center of the world and its sound is like razors through flesh Largely finished with X-mas shopping (but i think i already covered that ground). Have the big task at the office down to a manageable degree of clusterfuck... hoping to wake up to rain in the morning, the big storm drifting to the southeast from where it started along the Alaska coast. i should see a dentist... the fragments of that old broken tooth were killing me today...especially toward the end of the day...if i had just enough anesthetic i would take my pliers and rip out the offending shard myself... i know how to sterilize implements...it's just that even as much of a threshold of pain as i have, i still wouldn't be ready for that kind of sensation...the shockwave it sent straight to my brain the one time i even toyed with the idea and gave it a cursory tug with the needle-nose was enough to let me know that at the very least a network of carefully applied local anesthesia would be more than a little bit necessary. even though i am sometimes a wuss about pain, sometimes i can take horrendous amounts before the sensation overwhelms me. i've made the same connection with physical pain that drives some more extreme species of religious fervor...i can understand a certain spirituality in the mortification of the flesh i'm not saying any of this as some form of bullshit misplaced braggadocio, hell knows, when given the opportunity, i prefer to be the only one doing it to myself as opposed to letting an unknown element be in charge of my pain. i suppose this is why i haven't gotten tattooed just yet... it involves a degree of submission that i haven't been ready to try again since my night with the red witch and the reward of the ink and needle, though enticing, is not nearly as exciting as that reward was on that long-since passed August night i need to buy copies of the first two Hellraiser DVDs...those two movies have always been my favorite (albeit more extreme) exploration of the dualism/dichotomy of our concepts of the fine line between pleasure and pain it's a little crazy, but then anyone who's been reading this diary for long enough knows that crazy isn't a big strech for me. 12:40 a.m. - 2002-12-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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