A Black Feather, A poison pen... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- as an old memoria Just under two hours left to go here in my time zone until the disaster that i call 2002 comes to a merciful end... 2001 for all of it's negatives, was a much better year. at least in my reckoning. when we did our little thanksgiving event in the office, the annoying (although astonishingly less so in the last few weeks) OpsAdmin went around and asked us what we were grateful for, and the best way i could put it was to state that whatever didn't kill me, while not making me any stronger, at least didn't kill me. although, O diary of mine, i'll admit there have been a few days where it seemed as though not making it through wouldn't have been the worst thing that could have happened...but i'm not going to dwell on that right now beyond this point. the near future, a the very least holds the renewed promise of that promotion/reclassification they've been dangling in front of me like a carrot on a stick for the last year and a half. the spring will find me turning 31, which just exacerbates that lingering feeling of having gotten old (especially when i was fairly certain that any aspect of my former recklessness would see me done in much sooner) four years ago tonight, i was at the Bank One Ballpark watching a concert with someone i loved, being old fashoined stoners, it was a big Black Sabbath show. i remember as we left the show that night, i had made a plan with my sister-in-law to take care of a couple of minor details in my house to create a little bit of atmosphere... i had been having trouble with the light fixtures and so the only illumination i had was a couple of low wattage lamps and a string of purple christmas lights (yeah, tacky, i know, but at the time i was just getting back on my feet after that long run of dark days) as ell as some incense... i wasn't going for seduction, but i knew wha she liked and i was trying to acheive that, she had ben in California during christmas and i hadn't gotten the chance to give her the present which was placed in a gift bag waiting on top of my kitchen table... a couple of CD's, a favorite book of hers, a trio of candles, and a modest pair of diamond earrings... ironically enough it would turn to be one of the last times i would see her, and really the last time i held onto any hope that things would work out after all of the false starts and everything else we had been through. oh well... 10:14 p.m. - 2002-12-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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